Coffee Talk

True friendships are hard to find and a deep and honest conversation is even rarer.  Last night I had the privilege to be a part of five hour conversation that changed my life.  I do not have a natural disposition toward connecting with people and building community, nor am I one to venture outside of my own safe walls—ones that I spent considerable time building.  Although the initial reaching out was on my behalf, Dustin showed great character by keeping a promise to talk.  I was surprised by the grace and love that was spoken over my life during the course of the evening; in fact, I was astonished at the depths in which each topic went into and the honesty of the emotions that were plaguing both of us. 

The night was a reprieve to my overly introspective nature.  While the night’s topics were looking towards how both of us handle life situations, and how to communicate properly with others, there was no judgment toward one another over mishandling of situations and relationships.  For one brief moment in time I was completely honest and objective about my feelings toward my communication failures—and it was painful.  I sifted through the countless situations where my reactions to her insecurities compounded my ineptness at saying anything, and what I found was heart wrenching: I felt as if I didn’t deserve to be loved in the beautiful way she loved me.

Epiphanies like this are once in a life time experiences.  I never thought that I had an issue with being loved, yet as the conversation was moving closer and closer to the root issues, the deficiency was glaringly obvious.  I would have never understood an aspect of my heart without a conversation where I allowed someone to speak into my life and ask the tough questions—and respond with grace and humility not anger or shame. Furthermore, I wouldn’t be able to take the necessary steps to address and conquer this prevailing fear and mistrust.  It is moments like these that show the true gift of friendship and how it can shape your life—and better you for others.