I had a conversation via Facebook yesterday about the issues surrounding Christianity's Public relations issues: the topic was mainly about why are there so many "bad apples" in leadership that taint the name of Jesus. Here is a brief excerpt from the conversation:
  

• Western Christianity is probably the worst example of how the ideals of Jesus are put into action. Yes, Christianity has a major PR problem. The majority of the millennial generation has begun to see Christianity as bigoted, homophobic, and beyond hypocritical (see the two books, "UN-Christian" and "You Lost Me"). While I agree that a lot of Christians do not portray correctly the ideals in which Jesus came to breathe into a dire world, there is hope in how a new breed of believers are challenging the status-quot of the modern church. It took me so long to reconcile the man of Jesus (His title is Christ, not his name). No other person who has walked this earth has monumentally shaped and changed the course of human history as He did. Humanity does have to deal with one main issue: free will. We, as humans, can choose to follow a path that leads to transcendence, or we can choose a path that dances to DNA's music--as bleak as it is; however, this choice is the capacity to have love, and, also, the ability to do great evil. Without having the capacity to do evil we could not also have the capacity to love.I am not trying to defend or justify those that miscarry the name of Jesus, but I would like to convey the hope that is available to those willing to be the hands and feet of the Christ. I used to be angry, bitter, and resentful of the church because of the hypocrisy and absolutist attitude many Christians hold, but I made a choice, not too long ago, to be the answer to my prayers regarding the hypocrisy. Our generation has an ability to re-shape the way in which Christianity is viewed; we have a choice to help the cause, or we can become cynics through and through.
• That's beautiful Dan. It really is. And I don't mean to take away from that at all. I agree with everything you said really. But it takes away from the subject. Why the preists and pastors? Why the leaders? Is it really just a numbers thing? Is it just because there's so many priests that by the law of averages o few of them have to be bad apples?
• To condense a complex issue into a simple statement, yes, the law of averages kill the message by the falling of the messengers. Much like how the CIA and FBI state that " their success' remain hidden while their failures are made public," so is the same with spiritual and religious positions. The deep seeded issues of pain, loss, abuse, and hopelessness will always come to surface if not properly dealt with. While i can wax eloquent about how " God is the answer," putting this ideal into practical application is the real hard part. I have seen first hand the pain that a falling from grace can cause to friends. There is no pain higher than the things one thought to be true and they turn out to be a mere charade for indulgence and self-centered apathy. My world view is based on the fallibility of all humanity; thus, there will always be people who let us down--even great leaders who were supposed to be above reproach. The key to this issue, for me, is how we respond and not how we react. Reaction is based around emotion and hurt while response is based around methodical contemplation (you helped me learn that by the way).

Living for His glory

I was listening to a song on repeat today, because the words have had a profound impact on my view of God.  Sadly I have heard this song, and lead it in worship, countless times; not before today did the gravity of it seep into my soul.  The words hit a chord in my heart that have opened my eyes to a side of what God wants from us that I haven’t noticed before:

                        Evermore my heart, my heart will say

                        Above all I live for your glory

                        Even if my world falls I will say

                        Above all I live for your glory[1]

The line of “Above all, I live for your glory” crashed into my mind and placed my heart in a state of introspection, for so many times I have been willing to give him all the glory when things go right and have been reluctant at best to concede an ounce of praise when things go awry.  While an attitude such as this is common place among humanity, I cannot afford to live with such a selfish attitude any longer.

            Attitudes are the things that either will stink so terribly that people around us will want to remove themselves from our presence, or an attitude of peaceful graciousness can cause people to gravitate towards us and wonder what is dwelling within that causes our lives to walk with joy.  The true test of the condition of the heart has been said to be when things are falling apart, yet I would suggest that the times of peace are equally weighted for the test of a character; in fact, how many times have I become complacent with my walk with God when things seem to be going completely right—too many times and all of them have had dire consequences.  With all of this in mind, I need to find a way to make sure that my hearts condition is always praising his name, and above all living for his glory.

            Life has seasons in which there seems to be no way out, or no reprieve from the pressure that has mounted on all sides—which causes our hearts to feel as if we will be crushed—yet we must remember that there is a specific reason for the emotional turmoil that is present.  Trials are God’s form of discipline.  Not in the sense of I did something bad and must be punished, but in the way of God telling our hearts that he loves us and wants us to learn a life lesson that will transform us and make us reborn into something far more precious and beautiful than we could have imagined.  The author of the book of Hebrews spoke on the Father’s discipline: “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12.11 NASB).  While the process of learning is going on, we must take great care to say that we live for his glory, and then the season will pass and we can proclaim that he is faithful and just.

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[1] “Evermore” Performed  by Hillsong United, written by Joel Houston

weight of sin

Currently my heart is heavy with an honest look into the scars and hurts I have caused on others in the past.  I can clearly see the effects that my actions have had on another soul—the weight is heavy.  I cannot carry this burden, nor should I, but I know that it is my cross to bear during this present time.

I committed a sin on another that reopened a gaping wound that infected her heart.  My former blindness towards the emotions of others created a rigid and sharp tongue that can be far more destructive than any forged weapon; furthermore, I equipped that weapon with a selfish pride and used it with no remorse, or second thought, and now I bear the weight of that one season.  My stomach is churning for I cannot stand the actions of that man in past.  I want to cry out to him, speak wisdom to him, and open his eyes to the pain that he is causing.  I want to grab that terrified boy on the inside and show him a better way to work through the pain instead of focusing it on the girl of his dreams.  Recklessly the boy shouts, screams, and hurls insults on the lover who is only trying to make him a better man, yet there is no way that selfish pride will yield to God’s perfect love and grace.

            I cried so desperately for forgiveness moments ago, because before today I haven’t seen the destructive weight that my words caused.  I need to be forgiven; I must be acquitted by grace.  Please, God, show me there is hope for my sins.  I broke your commandment by leading one of your children into sin.  Now her heart is more calloused than ever before, and she is skeptical of your healing power.  Can I have grace cover me, because I desperately need it to heal her heart?  I need You to mend those shattered pieces of her soul into something beautiful You can use.

Weekend Review

After an interesting weekend of self-discovery, I have come to a couple conclusions that will shape my world view.  First, communication is the basis for relationships and building community. Secondly, I am terrible at item one.  The latter being the most implicit in my current state of solitude.  Furthermore, I am now compelled to rectify this major deficiency in a manner that is in line with living a life worth living. 

            I noticed some time ago that there was always a challenge of expressing how I truly felt to another human being—especially those that I loved the most—yet I was never one to push outside my boundaries and get uncomfortable with being exposed emotionally. This rigid sense of protection caused far too many moments where people would ask a real question about how, or why, I was feeling or acting and I would have no retort or reply.  The rising pain, anger, frustration colored my soul red with a choking rage because I could not express the turmoil of the inside.  Eventually the emotions would try and come to the surface and the rising tide causes a shut down.   While understandable as it may be for a man to have a hard time expressing his feelings, my downfall was complicated by unidentified failures hiding in the far recesses of my character. 

            The strangest and most compelling moments in life lie within those of self-discovery.  The moment is strange because the cliché of the light bulb turning on is so accurate, and in truth the light does come on.  All at once the reasons of previous actions, thought processes, and reactions to others makes sense.  Yes, the clouds part and every other synonym to express epiphany, comes to pass: then just as quick as the moment came reality sets in.  Silence comes over the room, even if the place is crowded with people.  There is this thing, a part of you that is no longer just hiding in the shadows creating destructive patterns. No, now it has a name, a face, and more importantly a full shaped personality of my own making.  “What do I do now” is usually the first words out of the mouth, and the simplest answer is to write everything down.

            I began to write, mull, deliberate, talk, chat, and pray about all the reasons I couldn’t express the feelings that are part of the human I am.  Many, far too many, things came to mind: then I simplified each moment into cause and effect, action and reaction, finally into root issues.  The stereotype of the kid on a daytime talk show came to mind, “it was the parents fault blah, blah, blah”.  Although I can understand why some people decide to place blame on the parents, I decide that the mantle was mine to bear, mine and mine alone.  Yes, I did go through some hard times, but the majority of hard moments where of my own making.  For once in my life I have decided to stop blaming people for my defects, for through my deficiencies I will be molded into something far greater, bolder, and far more loving then I ever could  have imagined before, and I am a little scared of the process that will happen in accord with my revelation.

            Peace can be found even within the most turbulent times if we allow ourselves to not be blinded by the events in the forefront of life.  I am not suggesting that we ignore the events of life that created hardships; however, I am speaking to those small miniscule moments that are noticed and often ignored by our neurotic minds, for within these moments is the chance to take a step back and look to the heavens and ask how, and what, I can do to make the most out the current set of circumstances.  Being faithful and diligent in the smallest of moments will lead to a lifestyle that changes you and more importantly the people around you; alas, the journey will be a lifelong adventure to learn how to speak my feelings in the correct fashion, for you can only learn on a situation to situation basis.  I have hope in my the future, for the past brought me to this moment where my heart is ready to live and learn from wisdom.

Coffee Talk

True friendships are hard to find and a deep and honest conversation is even rarer.  Last night I had the privilege to be a part of five hour conversation that changed my life.  I do not have a natural disposition toward connecting with people and building community, nor am I one to venture outside of my own safe walls—ones that I spent considerable time building.  Although the initial reaching out was on my behalf, Dustin showed great character by keeping a promise to talk.  I was surprised by the grace and love that was spoken over my life during the course of the evening; in fact, I was astonished at the depths in which each topic went into and the honesty of the emotions that were plaguing both of us. 

The night was a reprieve to my overly introspective nature.  While the night’s topics were looking towards how both of us handle life situations, and how to communicate properly with others, there was no judgment toward one another over mishandling of situations and relationships.  For one brief moment in time I was completely honest and objective about my feelings toward my communication failures—and it was painful.  I sifted through the countless situations where my reactions to her insecurities compounded my ineptness at saying anything, and what I found was heart wrenching: I felt as if I didn’t deserve to be loved in the beautiful way she loved me.

Epiphanies like this are once in a life time experiences.  I never thought that I had an issue with being loved, yet as the conversation was moving closer and closer to the root issues, the deficiency was glaringly obvious.  I would have never understood an aspect of my heart without a conversation where I allowed someone to speak into my life and ask the tough questions—and respond with grace and humility not anger or shame. Furthermore, I wouldn’t be able to take the necessary steps to address and conquer this prevailing fear and mistrust.  It is moments like these that show the true gift of friendship and how it can shape your life—and better you for others.

winter

The sun came out to dance away the rain today.  There is warmth that comes into the heart from the rays of sun; somehow things aren’t as bad as they could be, and more often than not a little bit of grace comes upon our lives due to the sun.  While the sun is giving hope to those in need, there still is the underlying admission that, yes, it is still winter.  The brief reprieve of the harsh reality of the winter’s cold is refreshing, and as the sunsets we are brought back to the reality of the season. 

            The night will still contain the moon, stars, and the visible breath while the winter is upon us, and there is magic in the stillness of the winter night that is only available during this season.  The day is short and the night quickly eclipses the warmth the sunlight brings.  The horizon is filled with purple, red, maroon, and colors left up to Monnet’s imagination, and when the colors cannot become any more vivid—dreamlike—they are washed away by the black night sky. Some nights have the moon and stars to guide insomniacs and dreamers alike, yet we are all connected together by the magic that escapes the black void of the night.  The freedom that is given to the imagination during the night has been, in the past, condemned to a mere side note of the transpiring intricacies of the human psyche; alas, the running of the imagination gives birth to art, true love, hope, and introspection in ways that can only happen at the midnight hours of a cold winter’s night.

silence

Silence is comforting and heart breaking or at least that is how it has seemed lately.  The quiet has an austere hue that lingers in the air as if there is a sense of expectancy.  Take one breath, no take two, for the thoughts that tumble in and out of the head will eventually come to rest and give voice to reason.  The complexities of daily life have moments that create a sense of desperation where all that is desired is silence and solitude, and we finally achieve the precious moment where all is quiet in the world when we allow it to envelop us.  Solace will shroud the mind with a black veil in a way that makes an inescapable prison from the suppressed thoughts and issues that are plaguing the consciousness, yet there is a sublime beauty found within the black veil.  At first, the thoughts race and chase from one to the next at a fervent pace—then the peace comes—eventually all that is left is the stillness and every little noise is magnified.